Why sometimes it’s ok NOT to follow your child’s lead…
Yesterday Alissa shared with you the secret to joyful parenting and how the myth of the perfect parent can hinder our ability to connect and parent in the way that we want to. When we spend too much energy trying to get it right we may not connect at all, either because we are paralyzed by perfection or because we are so focused on the ideal that we end up missing the forest for the trees.
So how can we get out of the perfection mindset and still be a good parent?
We want to give you this video so you can let go of some of the guilt and parent from your strengths!
We are going to share with you one of our secrets for connecting consistently with our kids.
Watch the video and find out:
- Why you can wind up being unkind when you resentfully keep playing just what your child wants to play.
- How we deal with the kid activities our kids love that we dislike.
- And at minute 6 learn the phrase that helps us be able to respectfully handle the conversations that seem like they're just repeating the same lego/minecraft discussion endlessly.
When you're done watching, be sure to read below the video because we’ll tell you why even if you think you are getting it all “right”, you may still be getting it wrong…and why that’s not bad as you think!
Yet Another Parenting Perfection Myth…
When Alissa and I were creating the framework for the Everyday Connections course she shared this story with me:
“I was talking with my mom about some of the moments in my childhood when I felt most valued and most connected. I asked her if she remembered teaching me how to shuffle and do a bridge with the cards.
‘Uhhh, no… I taught you to shuffle cards? I don’t remember that at all.’
‘Yes! And I loved it! My hands weren’t really big enough, and I thought you were SO cool the way you could make a bridge and then you helped me manage it. I felt really special.’
My mom certainly couldn’t have predicted that I would have such a strong and loving memory of her teaching me to shuffle 20 some odd years later.”
A connected relationship doesn’t mean that both parties are going to walk away with the same touchstone moments.
What your child comes away with as a significant memory, you might not remember 20 years or even 2 weeks from now. Your child might remember the time you let him pick which tomatoes to buy at the market, and your touchstone memory might be the day he made his baby brother smile.
You and your child have different perceptions of your relationship and you don’t get to choose the times when one or the other party feels most connected. All we can do is work to provide the space for that connected moment to happen.
You can’t predict the touchstone memories for your child, but when faced with a choice (create the “right” moment or enjoy the moment we are having?) you can err on the side of connection whenever possible. You can’t force a moment to be perfect, but when you err on the side of connection you can let go of the guilt of not being perfect and know that you are making space for those touchstones.
SO you can’t guarantee what will make your child feel connected but you can make space for consistent opportunities to be connected…and that is what the Everyday Connection Course is all about – teaching you how to make sure you don't miss those opportunities.
Enrollment opens tomorrow but if you want to skip the wait and make sure you get a spot click here to sign up early!
Alissa Zorn is an author, and founder of the website Overthought This. She's a coach and cartoonist passionate about helping people overcome perfectionism and shame to build authentic, joyful lives. Alissa is certified through the International Coach Federation and got her Trauma-Informed Coaching certification from Moving the Human Spirit. She wrote Bounceback Parenting: A Field Guide for Creating Connection, Not Perfection, and is always following curiosity to find her next creative endeavor.