One Key to Making Memories You’ll Treasure with Your Kids
Even had a hard time letting go of how you think things should be so you can enjoy your kids? In this post Bounceback Parenting reader and mom, Kay, shares a snapshot of her life when she let go of her planning and perfectionist ways and wound up making a treasured memory with her daughter. I hope this inspires you today to notice a moment you can pause and find joy in the perfectly imperfect. I find this to be key to making a memorable moment with your kids – allowing yourself to be present with what is, letting go of your worries about it being perfect, and embracing connection NOT perfection. Thanks Kay for sharing and inspiring the rest of us! ~Alissa
Connection NOT perfection!
by Kay Trafton
I read a great blog post the other day (by Alissa Marquess from Bounceback Parenting) that has stuck with me for over a week now. This was the mom’s mantra for an evening where she decided NOT to get bogged down by the laundry, unpacking, dishes, etc. Instead, she hopped on the couch with her family and watched a movie. Connection NOT perfection.
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When my daughter knew my anniversary was coming up there were various conversations about the wedding ceremony. I decided that I would take out my dress on my anniversary and show it to her. I let her know that I would be showing it to her, and she was so excited. We joked about me wearing my dress, her wearing her Elsa princess dress and my husband wearing his tuxedo. Before we knew it, we had planned an impromptu re-enactment of our wedding.
I am a PLANNER. I can do spontaneous but I prefer to know what I’m doing and follow a routine. This whole thing was a little unusual for me. I kept repeating in my head, “Connection NOT perfection.” On the morning of our anniversary, she begged me to get out of bed and put the dress on right then. She then asked if she could skip kindergarten (which she loves).
I got up and put the dress on, bedhead and all. She was pumped! She decided to wear her Elsa dress to school and asked me to share with her teacher why she was wearing it.
Fast forward about 10 hours……..My son wore his Tennessee Vols jersey and carried a snack cup with our wedding rings. My daughter ended up wearing one of the actual flower dresses from the wedding (that my sister-in-law had dropped off). I wore my dress and my husband wore his tuxedo. At the last minute I asked my mother-in-law to come over to video us.
There was NO practice, no preparation, no real thinking. Just diving in and showing our sweet girl a glimpse of what it was like on our special day, eight years ago.
We posted the videos on Facebook for fun and I was amazed at the comments. A big shout out to all who posted such kind words.
I hope you take away from my words today that life is short and we get so weighted down by our everyday struggles that we don’t STOP and be present and fill someone’s cup with a little love. My daughter was glowing throughout the entire afternoon holding up her too large dress as she played outside among the leaves!
Let’s choose love today. Go fill your own cup and then pour into someone else’s.
Alissa Zorn is an author, and founder of the website Overthought This. She's a coach and cartoonist passionate about helping people overcome perfectionism and shame to build authentic, joyful lives. Alissa is certified through the International Coach Federation and got her Trauma-Informed Coaching certification from Moving the Human Spirit. She wrote Bounceback Parenting: A Field Guide for Creating Connection, Not Perfection, and is always following curiosity to find her next creative endeavor.