How to get rid of your anger. Tips from my 7 year old.
“Follow these tips carefully and the angry will really start to go away.”
My seven year old, honestly, is often more level headed than the rest of us in this family. Today he wanted to help me tell “angry moms how to get unmad.” We did a little interview, which I’ve edited down to the key parts.
I found it very interesting that he compared screaming to hitting and that he seemed to be unable to combine ‘a parent being really mad’ with ‘a parent wanting to get across an important point’. These, in his mind are definitely two separate things.
While logically I know that once I start yelling no learning is taking place, talking with him sure drove home that point.
Mama: What happens when I yell at you?
James: It can feel really bad, just about as bad as your brother hitting you or something like that. Screaming can feel like that.
What should moms do if they’re really mad?
- One of the best things to do is scrunch up your entire face. All you anger is headed to your mind or brain and you’re going to want to scrunch up your face and then unscrunch it really gently so the anger doesn’t get into your mind and it just falls to the floor and breaks. Then take a deep breath, it always helps.
- Try to leave the room and sit down in your bedroom alone for a few seconds.
- If you like coloring and they’ve [your kids] done something you don’t like you can head to wherever you color and color something for a few minutes.
Any other ideas?
Try not to scream at your kids because you can easily get screamed back at and it will hurt your ears.
When you’re yelling you’re usually going to want to use my scrunch up the face idea.
And if you feel like screaming you should try not to, but if you do, try to remember to go to your bedroom for a few minutes alone.
What if parents have something really important they want to tell their kids?
If you’re trying to tell your kids not to hit, but they keep hitting, spanking them or hitting them or really loudly yelling doesn’t work. What you want to do is tell them to go clean up five things. That’s something that can help you tell them you’re serious and it can’t hurt them in any way. So every time your kids hit or if it turns into a fight, ask them to pick up five things if they can’t figure out a solution.
Ok so, think we’re done….?
Yes, so those are some of my suggestions of how to get rid of anger in yourself.
The scrunch your face idea comes from Angry Octopus
which is on a CD I listen to sometimes, and the other ideas I just thought of, but they should work because they give you a bit of time out to think about things.
(Mama speaking: I linked to the CD he's talking about; it's a great one to help kids learn to calm down. The boys like to listen to it before bed.)
Thanks James!
What do you think?
I found it very interesting to hear him say, that yelling feels like when his brother hits him and that our pick up five items routine, “…tells them you're serious and can’t hurt them in any way.” As if I didn't have motivation enough to get rid of yelling, it's sobering to hear it lumped together with hitting TWICE in one interview.
Yikes. I better add the scrunch-up-my-face idea to my calm down tools…
Alissa Zorn is an author, and founder of the website Overthought This. She's a coach and cartoonist passionate about helping people overcome perfectionism and shame to build authentic, joyful lives. Alissa is certified through the International Coach Federation and got her Trauma-Informed Coaching certification from Moving the Human Spirit. She wrote Bounceback Parenting: A Field Guide for Creating Connection, Not Perfection, and is always following curiosity to find her next creative endeavor.