8 Helpful and Easy Tips to Overcome Your Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it ensures high standards and the drive to achieve them, which can benefit professional success or creative endeavors.
On the other hand, if the standard is so high that it’s impossible to achieve, and our self-worth is intrinsically linked with achieving said goals, we are essentially setting ourselves up for failure. So then, how do we overcome perfectionism? Is there a quick fix, or progressive steps we can take?
What Is Perfectionism?
Let’s first understand what perfectionism is and where it comes from. Experts describe perfectionism as “a combination of excessively high personal standards and overly critical self-evaluations.”
A study based on 40,000 college students from the USA, UK, and Canada demonstrates that perfectionism is a rising concern. Additionally, students in “high-achieving schools” are reported to be experiencing higher rates of mental health issues than other schools.
What Causes It?
Perfectionism is a complex personality trait, not a mental health condition. As such, it has many causes. These can range from the influence of your parents or childhood upbringing, low self-esteem, anxiety, social comparison, social media use, depression, and other factors.
Negative Effects of Perfectionism
If you’re a perfectionist, you can probably relate to the symptoms and habits below. Perfectionists tend to set unrealistically high expectations for themselves. They’re hard on themselves for not achieving any single task, even if a dozen others were completed perfectly.
They also tend to procrastinate on tasks or projects for fear of failure. By postponing the task, they are essentially protecting themselves from the stress and anxiety of failure. Perfectionists also have difficulty accepting compliments and may struggle with depression.
Tip #1: Self-Compassion
Whenever you hear your inner critic berating you, try challenging it. Positively rephrase the negative self-talk. In any given moment when your perfectionism is acting up, ask yourself what you would tell a friend in the same situation.
What kind words would you reassure them with? Would you remind them their worth is not defined by their work, that it’s just a 9-to-5? Or that the night table they’re trying to assemble is just a piece of wood and not a representation of their competence?
Offer the same forgiveness and compassion to yourself.
Tip #2: Reframe Failure as a Stepping Stone Toward Growth
One of the biggest hacks for overcoming perfectionism is reframing what failure means. Most often, failure is considered the dead end, the worst possible scenario. But what if you reframe failure as a normal aspect of life, one that merely acts as a stepping stone towards personal and professional growth?
By rewiring your beliefs around failure, you can mitigate the effects of perfectionism and feel more comfortable about not achieving a given task. The goal, then, becomes the journey itself, the adventurous process of growth and exploration.
Tip #3: Nothing Is Ever That Important
In the end, hardly anything is a matter of life and death. Any goal, task, or project only carries the importance we assign to it. If we shift our mindset to a more objective and realistic approach, it can help relieve the pressure of achieving those goals.
A 2022 study confirms this: “Key themes were also identified to develop resilience to diminish perfectionism in classroom settings, including lowering the perceived importance of meeting impossible standards, viewing failures as stepping stones to success and growth, being compassionate to counter self-blame, and to provide stress management.”
Tip #4: Use Tools for Stress Relief
There are many resources for regulating your nervous system and relieving stress. For instance, mindfulness is the art of living fully present in this moment. It can be practiced at any time of the day, including when you’re having your breakfast. All you have to do is focus entirely on one task and savor all sensorial aspects of the experience.
Meditation is universally beneficial and a great choice even for a busy schedule. When you only have five minutes available, guided meditation, breathing exercises, yoga, and weightlifting are just a few other tips you can also try.
Tip #5: Avoid Social Comparison
Social media is a great tool if used mindfully, but it also has many detrimental side effects. The main challenge with social media is the constant exposure to the highlight reel of other people’s lives: whether it’s celebrities or friends, the effect remains the same.
Research shows the prevalent effect of social media use and social comparison on perfectionism. Try to avoid comparing yourself with others. Remember that everybody has their own path, their own skills, and their own strengths. Nobody can walk someone else’s journey.
Tip #6: Limit Social Media Use
The negative side effects of social media can be felt by anyone.
However, a recent study found that “in terms of gender, girls are more likely than boys to be addicted to technology and to be compared with others. Self-critical perfectionism was associated with an increased risk of sadness and a decreased sense of self-worth among girls who used social media. By avoiding social media more often, the impact may be mitigated.”
In light of this, try to use social media in a responsible way, so that it’s benefiting your overall health and wellness instead of negatively impacting it.
Tip #7: Your Worth Is Not Tied to Your Productivity
Many people in today’s society hold this limiting belief. It’s no wonder that productivity has become synonymous with self-worth and success in an age where efficiency, speed, and achievement are glorified. Not to mention, burnout and overwork are considered badges of honor.
But the truth is, we are not machines, and our purpose on Earth isn’t to be productive or perfect. Our purpose is multifaceted. We are here to enjoy life, to share our talents and skills, and to serve others through our gifts that are authentic to us.
Tip #8: Perfectionism Comes With a Cost
Try to reflect on this question: What has your perfectionism cost you throughout your life? Is it quality time with your loved ones? Being unable to enjoy the present moment? Or perhaps anxiety and stress in general? What about lowered self-worth or being your worst critic?
Becoming aware of how perfectionism affects your life and relationships can help shift your perspective and lead to more self-compassion and healthier coping mechanisms.
Help for Handling a Harsh Inner Critic
So much of undoing perfectionism is about learning how to transform your inner voice and accept yourself. Here is some help for handling an inner critic who never seems to stop.